I do think that high-performing groups are hardest to leave. Perhaps not because they have the clearest established norms, but because of the positive relationships and experiences associated with working closely on a project or task.
The group I participated in that was the hardest to leave was the staff on a summer enrichment program I directed. This program allowed me to develop relationships with the participants and staff and the active nature of the program allowed us to all have fun together. There was also a lot of growth happening in the program- both on the part of the children and the adults.
Our closing ritual was always a big trip to a nearby waterpark. We would also give faux awards for fun reasons, such as "Always Late but Never Lame" or "Fastest Reflexes".
I look forward to wishing my Walden colleagues well as we near the end of our work together! We won't all be walking at graduation, but we will experience a collective sense of accomplishment (and relief) that will help maintain our bond.
In my opinion, marking the adjournment of a group is meaningful when the group is able to reflect on the experiences shared. Adults learn through reflection, and reflection exercises can be hugely beneficial in order to heal, grow, forgive, align, transition, and say goodbye.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Reflecting on Conflict Resolution Strategies
The most applicable conflict for this exercise is one that occurred in my personal life recently. Surprise- it was between my 12-year-old daughter and myself. She tends to be *highly* emotional these days, and it seems like every conversation we have would end in conflict if I am not diligent about maintaining my role as a model and guide for her in gaining relationship skills!
The absolute BEST strategy I have learned to address situations of conflict is to re-focus both (or all) parties on the goal(s). I usually frame it through these steps:
1. Lets both (all) take a moment to take a deep breath together (sometimes necessary, sometimes not).
2. What is the goal of this situation (for you, for me, for US?)
3. Let's talk about your goal. What will it look like when you have accomplished this goal? What might be one or two things you will do to take steps toward that goal?
4. Let's talk about my goal. Allow me to share what I think it will look like when I accomplish my goal. Here's one or two things I plan to do to begin to accomplish that goal. Do you have any questions or suggestions?
5. How are our two goals aligned/the same/similar? (are there any components to our goals or steps/actions that are shared?)
6. How can we support each other in our goals without detriment to our own?
7. What might be one or two possible compromises that are necessary in order for us to both be successful?
These steps are variation of those good old conflict resolution steps we've all learned. However- I have found that by focusing on our "goals" instead of "the problem" we are much more able to stay in the positive mindset. Here's an example:
Two children are fighting over a magnifying glass. Instead of asking kid A "what do you see as the problem?" and then kid B "what you YOU see as the problem" and getting the same answer from both of them ("he has that and I want it") I ask them what their goals are. Kid A says, "I want to see the pinecone up close" and kid B says, "so do I!". Ah-ha! We have common ground. This is not a problem. This is an opportunity to work together, share, and interact. Next I ask them, "How can we both reach our goal together?" and they come up with taking turns all on their own.
In the case of my 12-year-old daughter, the truth usually comes down to the fact that her goal is to make decisions on her own and be independent, and my goal is to maintain enough control to make sure she is healthy and safe. This is NOT a problem! This is exactly what should happen in the healthy relationships we have with our children as they grow. Now- the important thing for me is to allow my daughter to see that my goal is really the same as hers- only we need to take it step by step in order for her to grow up at just the right speed. ;) I also use another strategy- I tend to only ask questions and let her do ALL the telling. That puts her in the drivers seat but allows me to navigate so that she can get to just the right destination. (Does this sound a little bit like manipulation? It definitely is not. It is coaching.)
This goal-oriented conflict resolution really feels wonderful and usually leaves all members feeling very well taken care of.
The absolute BEST strategy I have learned to address situations of conflict is to re-focus both (or all) parties on the goal(s). I usually frame it through these steps:
1. Lets both (all) take a moment to take a deep breath together (sometimes necessary, sometimes not).
2. What is the goal of this situation (for you, for me, for US?)
3. Let's talk about your goal. What will it look like when you have accomplished this goal? What might be one or two things you will do to take steps toward that goal?
4. Let's talk about my goal. Allow me to share what I think it will look like when I accomplish my goal. Here's one or two things I plan to do to begin to accomplish that goal. Do you have any questions or suggestions?
5. How are our two goals aligned/the same/similar? (are there any components to our goals or steps/actions that are shared?)
6. How can we support each other in our goals without detriment to our own?
7. What might be one or two possible compromises that are necessary in order for us to both be successful?
These steps are variation of those good old conflict resolution steps we've all learned. However- I have found that by focusing on our "goals" instead of "the problem" we are much more able to stay in the positive mindset. Here's an example:
Two children are fighting over a magnifying glass. Instead of asking kid A "what do you see as the problem?" and then kid B "what you YOU see as the problem" and getting the same answer from both of them ("he has that and I want it") I ask them what their goals are. Kid A says, "I want to see the pinecone up close" and kid B says, "so do I!". Ah-ha! We have common ground. This is not a problem. This is an opportunity to work together, share, and interact. Next I ask them, "How can we both reach our goal together?" and they come up with taking turns all on their own.
In the case of my 12-year-old daughter, the truth usually comes down to the fact that her goal is to make decisions on her own and be independent, and my goal is to maintain enough control to make sure she is healthy and safe. This is NOT a problem! This is exactly what should happen in the healthy relationships we have with our children as they grow. Now- the important thing for me is to allow my daughter to see that my goal is really the same as hers- only we need to take it step by step in order for her to grow up at just the right speed. ;) I also use another strategy- I tend to only ask questions and let her do ALL the telling. That puts her in the drivers seat but allows me to navigate so that she can get to just the right destination. (Does this sound a little bit like manipulation? It definitely is not. It is coaching.)
This goal-oriented conflict resolution really feels wonderful and usually leaves all members feeling very well taken care of.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Who Am I as a Communicator?
Overall, my communication skills as assessed by this week's resources did not surprise me. The one are that was a bit different that I may have expected was the aggressiveness scale. I scored higher than I realized I would. I'm not entirely convinced that I am at all verbally aggressive (actually, even the thought strikes me a completely counter to my entire personality!) but then again, it is not out of the question that I exhibit behaviors that may be described as aggressive. Specifically, it may be true that, when I disagree with a person, I attack their character instead of their ideas. While I can't think of a single time when I actually verbalized an attack on their character, my communication style may come off that way.
This is important information for me. If this is the case, I can now be more intentional about what I say and how I say it. I can make sure that I am arguing against someone's ideas and not them as a person.
The other insight that struck me as I read the results from my co-worker was that she observed a lower level of anxiety that I self-assessed at. This makes sense to me in that I may not express any anxiety I feel in an outward manner, even if I am feeling it a bit on the inside. It also occurred to me that perhaps this particular co-worker is not observing me in those cases where I am more outside of my comfort zone and feeling and demonstrating higher levels of anxiety.
Overall, this week's exercises were very helpful in seeing just where I can grow as a communicator!
This is important information for me. If this is the case, I can now be more intentional about what I say and how I say it. I can make sure that I am arguing against someone's ideas and not them as a person.
The other insight that struck me as I read the results from my co-worker was that she observed a lower level of anxiety that I self-assessed at. This makes sense to me in that I may not express any anxiety I feel in an outward manner, even if I am feeling it a bit on the inside. It also occurred to me that perhaps this particular co-worker is not observing me in those cases where I am more outside of my comfort zone and feeling and demonstrating higher levels of anxiety.
Overall, this week's exercises were very helpful in seeing just where I can grow as a communicator!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)